


From Peargatory To Peartopia: The Testament Of Peary

by TheWentworthWordsmith



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 14:42:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13859898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWentworthWordsmith/pseuds/TheWentworthWordsmith
Summary: A tale of one woman and her little dog as they battle to pearvail in the face of pearligious pearsecution in the workplace.





	From Peargatory To Peartopia: The Testament Of Peary

**Author's Note:**

> In 1997 I resigned from Her Majesty’s Prison Service. For a million reasons I spent the next twenty years successfully avoiding any and every Prison based drama. Early on in 2017 a very dear friend asked me if I’d seen ‘Wentworth’. She knew my policy on the matter and I somewhat irritatedly informed her that I had not. “You know Pamela Rabe is in it, right?"
> 
> Three days later,seasons one to four came through my letter box and my relationship with Wentworth began, easily enough initially and then one evening as I was watching I felt myself completely transported back in time and overwhelmed by the force of an emotional memory of my own experience of the brutal and brutalising effect of prison. It was horrible and I wasn’t sure I wanted to continue to watch. Something told me it would be useful to try and do so and besides there was still Joan Ferguson to look forward to. That’s when I first discovered the wonderful world of the fandom and Wentworth became so much more than a television drama. I owe a great deal to you all for many beautiful and positive reasons, your friendship, your conversation, your fan fictions, your art and so much more. Thank you to each and every one of you for blessing my timeline. Thank you to Dame Pamela obviously and everyone who works so brilliantly on Wentworth. 
> 
> I dedicate this little bit of nonsense to Pam’s Pear Squad. You serve as a constant reminder that life is far too serious to be taken too seriously. When I can't watch it, write about it or talk it out you make me smile at the utter ridiculousness of it and I adore you for it. I salute you all and am honoured to have received my very own little shiny pear! Thank you for the laughter and the fuckery. I stand with the pears!
> 
> Whilst writing this silliness, I thought about each and every member of the Wentworth fandom I know of and it made me incredibly happy to do so, actually it reduced me to tears and I can't put into words what I really feel, except to say that I look at you through the eyes of love, I'll let Bill Hicks say what I can't. You restore my faith in humanity and I love you for it. Long may the ride continue! Long live the Arts!
> 
> 'It's just a ride and we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns and close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defences each year and instead spend it feeding, clothing and educating the poor of the World, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever in peace.'  
> William Melvin Hicks (1961-1994)

From Peargatory To Peartopia: The Testament of Peary

 

Another day at the office. It began reasonably enough. I’d bought some pears to share with everyone instead of my usual potato based offerings and it was then I first began to realise something was wrong.

“Pears Jane? Interesting choice. Why pears?” On the surface, a seemingly innocent enough question but I detected a note of something else, an undercurrent of suspicion. I put it to the back of my mind but it was noted. “Why not?” I replied lightly enough but in my mind I thundered, “Because bishes love pears.”

Of course I tweeted it and my heart was soothed and elated with the reassuring response I received from the Squad. “You been Knew.” The Doc said. ME! ME! I been knew! I’d seen it so many times before but never had it been mine! I think I knew then I’d be in it for life and for the very first time I replied, “Lerd.” I realised then I’d become a true pearliever.

As my understanding and devotion to the study of pearlosophy and it’s pearligion grew, of course, it’s influence on my every day existence began to show. No-one in the office objected to my renaming the Conference suite ‘Pear Temple’ or so I thought. Someone removed the giant pear sticker I put on the door though. Could it be the same colleague who’d questioned my choice of elevenses? I began to fear I was working with a pearthen. Was she some monstrous devotee of a citrus fruit based cult? Or a follower of something fleshier, pearhaps The Peach? For the love of Peary I hoped it wasn’t so.

I pearyed her soul be saved and she be filled with the holy spearit! If only I could pearsuade her to seek out the scriptpear of the blessed Apearostles whose most sacred offerings I began to pearuse almost hourly. I found much comfort and a sense of pearce in the words and memes of the founding members, the stunning quality of iconography of Peartopia as depicted by The High Pearist Sharkicorn amongst others soothed my shookethness and convinced me how greatly she was in need of The Lerd.

My fears were confirmed when the pearthen commented on my alteration of the prefix per to pear in my speech. I took it as a direct attack upon my pearligion and my pearligous beliefs. What would Striker or Eve do? I pearyed for guidance.

I knew I’d have to take action when she offended one of our most pearcious commandments, ‘Thou shalt not lag.’ And so began the battle of Pearicho. Earlier that week, filled with the love in my heart for all pearsons, whether they be of the faith or not, I sent everyone in the office home early so that they might escape the horror of the impending millimetre of snowfall about to descend upon the land and avoid the nightmare of becoming trapped overnight in the office. I did this from a pearsition of much love, having absolutely no executive authority to issue such a decree. I saved them all. I was betrayed, Judas lagged to the CEO.

“Snitches get stitches.” This from The Pearsician.

It was an instruction I knew I would have to obey. The betrayal of one is a betrayal of all. I began to sharpen my shiv into the shape of a mighty pear with which to punish my pearsecutor. Pearchi drew my attention to the sacred confirmation of our course of action from the blessed High Pearist Sharkicorn, "Dead Pears Tell No Tales.’'

As I worked through the night to ensure my shiv be true and ready for the day ahead I took comfort in the knowledge I might make my Supeariors pearoud of me, pearhaps even worthy enough to be made pear crew. Was I, Janey Wu, about to get her peary lucky? The Sharkicorn confirmed it, I had been pearmoted to crew when I pearchased our beautiful pear dish. Oh most wondrous of days! Sanctified on the holy lands of Bury St. Edmond’s market square! I resolved myself to this pearfection and declared my love throughout the Peardom! In the Holy Fruit War, this Pearivate would not pearmit defeat to the inpeardel army! Pearchi and I struck up a rousing chorus of our favourite hymn, ‘Pearusalem’ and our faith made us strong!

Dawn rose on what was to become our most pearfect day, our very first as pear crew and I tweeted my delight as to the day ahead. Blessed reassurance from The Peary Reverend Sharkicorn that our pear puns were on point made us fall to our knees and filled with the spearit of the Holy Mother Peary, Lerd, how we pearyed.

With the words of the Supeareme Striker, “Do us proud today!” and the wisdom of Ms Yukari that, “ Dat pear be ripe,” ringing in our ears, Pearchi and I stepped out onto the pearvement and thus began our march towards victory on this day of reckoning, the holiest pearsade. My final words, “Someone’s going to need a move to peartection!” I said to little Pearchi. She wrinkled her button nose in appreciation of the smell of pears in the morning air, with a spearkle in her eye and a pear swag in her step the final say fell to her and she answered most peartinently, “Bish gone learn, ayyyyy!”

Hallelujer and deliver us from pearvil! Pearmen!

The End.


End file.
